Rep. Eric “Nuke ‘Em” Swalwell (D-CA) is the first candidate to drop out of the 2020 race to get the Democrat party’s nomination for president. It’s not that shocking considering before his announcement he was tied in a statistical dead heat in the race with New York Mayor Bill De Blasio with a 0.01% approval rating.
No one’s surprised Swalwell couldn’t hack it. He had zero discernable support, even among Democrats. The only people who showed up for his rallies giggle the whole time while eating the free donuts and coffee, before returning to their cars and putting their MAGA hats back on. Not that I’ve done that three times already.
So, why am I talking about Nuke ‘Em Swalwell? Because the hilarious unraveling of the campaign of a stark-raving anti-gunner has been glorious to watch.
It was actually nice to have Nuke ‘Em in the race, because he forced the rest of the Democrats in the 2020 race to be slightly more honest about their revulsion of private citizens owning guns. Without Swalwell in the running, the rest of the pack would have just pretended that they sort of support gun ownership, but really want to see some “common sense” proposals “for the children.”
Nuke ‘Em Swalwell called for a total ban and confiscation of all semiautomatic firearms, and the rest of them didn’t want to appear like sissies. Instead of a mild (lying) platitude about common sense reforms, they had to give straight answers to let their constituents know just how much they hate guns. “Oh, no, I don’t support confiscation. My plan for a federal registry is just, um… well, it’s more achievable.” Sure, guys.
Nuke ‘Em is not a very smart man. He ran a poll on his Twitter feed a few months ago in which he stated, “$1 could buy you half a bag of chips OR it could save us from a crumbling government. How would you spend yours?” The options in the poll were to spend one dollar by donating it to the Nuke ‘Em 2020 campaign or spend the dollar on half a bag of chips.
I’m no expert on political campaigns, but if your campaign is being defeated by a half a bag of Doritos in your own poll, it might be time to pull the plug on your flailing presidential ambitions.
The Nuke ‘Em 2020 campaign obviously didn’t learn from the “Oops, I just lost to a bag of chips” lesson, because they ran another anti-gun poll on Twitter a week later. The results were… suboptimal… when compared to Nuke ‘Em’s wishes.
The question was, “Assault weapons have become the firearm of choice in too many mass shootings. We don’t have to live this way — those guns only belong on battlefields. Do you support a ban AND buy-back of every weapon of war in America?”
The options for answers were: “Yes! Australia already does” and “No! We love Guns > kids.”
The results: 94,280 said they love guns more than kids, and 25,061 said they want an Australian-style gun ban. It wasn’t even close. Guns beat Nuke ‘Em in his own poll by an even wider margin than the bag of chips did.
My personal answer to the poll would have been, “My kid’s semiautomatic battle rifle is bigger and way cooler than your kid’s stupid iPhone.” But sadly, that option was not available on Nuke ‘Em’s poll.
Swalwell’s departure from the race along with these hilarious and sarcastic responses to his anti-gun poll showed me that American patriots have beaten back the anti-gun agenda for now. The anti-gunners are not giving up on their confiscation ambitions, but the American people obviously don’t take them seriously even more.
We hate Nuke ‘Em’s position so much that we’ll all sarcastically say we love guns more than kids. It didn’t feel that way a few years ago, when Obama was in office. Maybe I’m just feeling salty in the wake of an awesome Fourth of July, bit it really does feel different now.
My hope is that Swalwell inspires other Democrats to bow out of the race sooner rather than later. Bill De Blasio and John Hickenlooper both look poised to admit defeat next. Too bad though, the powdered donuts at Swalwell’s rallies were great.
